When a long-awaited baby finally arrives, parents often experience certain estrangement in their relationship. Why does it happen? New fathers are supposed to be the happiest people in the world, but many men begin to feel ignored and even get jealous of the child. Most of the families successfully go through this stage, although all men experience that mixed feeling toward their own babies to some extent.
Some men manage to overcome that feeling and acknowledge their new role pretty fast, while some fathers can’t deal with their jealousy on their own. This is where the woman should use her wisdom to restore balance in her family.
Family experts behind a Russian women dating site decided to gain insight into parental jealousy.
First, let’s determine the reasons for fathers’ jealousy.
- Paternal instinct is still asleep. Unlike women, men don’t have those emotional experiences women have when they are expecting. That’s why men can’t perceive their babies as part of them immediately. No matter how supportive they are of their women during pregnancy, when a baby arrives, it’s always a shock for the man. Yesterday there were the two of them, and today his wife is totally focused on a little “tyrant”.
- Age. Too young fathers, not ready for a baby psychologically, take their new role superficially and don’t understand why so much fuss of a small human being. If a father is over 40 and used to living his life to the fullest, he may see a hindrance in a new member of the family. A man begins to realize the joys of paternity as a child grows up and he can finally share their interests (play together, laugh at a joke together, go to the cinema).
- Negative experience of other people. Men appear to be sensitive and impressive when it comes to the matters related to the family. They listen to their friends’ stories and then conjure up apocalyptic pictures in their heads, like them sleeping on a couch for the rest of their lives.
- The ideas of what makes the ideal father. The man may think that his woman expects certain actions from him to prove that he is a good parent. He believes that he must live up to her expectations, like providing for the family, giving attention to her and their baby, securing a trouble-free life. When his woman complains that she is tired and asks him to help, he feels irritated, because there were no such problems before.
- He is an only child, a mother’s boy. If he thinks that the world rotates around him, most likely he will perceive the baby as a rival who interferes in his life. His woman made him bathe in her attention, he used to be number one. Now he has to share her attention with their baby.
- Changes in the woman. New moms change not only externally. They get new worries and priorities. When a woman has no makeup on, wears random clothes, and talks only about the baby, her man may feel the lack of love and attention, the fear of becoming dispensable, and even get disappointed in family values.
- The feeling of inferiority. Not knowing how to handle a baby, men often become mad at themselves. The thought “I’m a bad father” makes them withdraw into themselves. As a result, they look for someone to blame it on – their wives and kids.
Here are the signs of paternal jealousy:
- The father doesn’t show any interest in his baby and tries to distance himself from them.
- He calls his woman from work and almost doesn’t speak at home.
- He spends a lot of time away from home.
A woman should control her man’s jealousy. Usually, it disappears with the time. She needs to start a conversation about his feelings and usually it helps. However, if his jealousy is unhealthy, professional help may be needed.